Should You Stay Married For The Kids?

Law Blog

In a perfect world, you and your spouse would stay in love forever. You'd never argue, and you'd never have to worry about splitting up. But the realities of life sometimes necessitate tough choices. Conventional wisdom says that married couples with kids should keep the family together. Here, you'll learn why that might not be the best advice for your family. Should you stay married for the sake of the kids? Here are three important things to consider so that you can make a wise choice that's best for your family.

Are you emotionally available for your kids?

The physical presence of two parents in the home is not a magical formula for producing happy, emotionally stable, strong children. Your kids need two parents with the emotional strength and stability to be completely present with them.

If you've grown apart from your spouse, and the arguing seems to go on without end, you're not really present with your kids. Your children feel the distance and the tension every second that goes by.

Would your children be better off with two parents that love them enough to make decisions that make them both happy? if you're not getting along and you've lost all hope of reconciliation with your spouse, splitting up may be the gift that saves your relationship with your children.

Have you sought professional help?

Your children deserve your best, even when life seems to be falling apart around you. You don't have to fight alone.

Through the aid of counselors, relationship coaches, and tools, you can learn to navigate through the difficult conversations you need to have with your spouse and your children.

Some nonprofit groups have tools available online to help you steer your kids through this rocky terrain. For example, The National Family Resiliency Center offers Family Connex, a set of practical tools and guides to help you and your spouse establish a healthy plan to co-parent your kids in the event you decide splitting up is best.

Have you given your children freedom to express their feelings?

Children often don't speak their mind about the tension and stress they feel when you and your spouse don't get along. They may communicate their anxiety through behavior problems, but they often don't feel safe to talk to you. Don't make the mistake of thinking your children are doing fine just because they don't say anything to you.

Chances are good that your children feel every bit of tension you feel. Do they feel safe to talk to you about it? Do they have a healthy outlet to express their feelings and a soft place to land when life gets hard? If you can't provide that within the environment produced by staying together, it might be time for you to rethink the old adage that says your children are better off if you stick it out.

For additional info, speak with a divorce lawyer in your area. If you and your spouse make the mutual decision to divorce, the separation can go quite smoothly.

Share

2 July 2015